Jyuu (jyuufish) wrote,

~More introspection~

The very end of 2004 was a horrid year. On Christmas Eve my girlfriend broke up with me and by New Years Eve I was expiriencing all symptoms of Melancholic depression. There were very few things holding me together, I was a wreck, I was a mess. Crying, couldn't eat, could barely sleep (got up at insane hours like 5 am) and well, there was reason to be concerned about myself. On New Years Eve of that year, I went to sleep because something that xandria told me about sleeping through the New Year.. since the tradition is the first thing you are doing on New Years Day will be the thing that you do all year, so I opted to rest.. I opted to rest for my minds sake.

2005 was defined for myself most generally as what Saru said, The Year of the Kok. It was to be my selfish year where I worry only about myself to the exclusion of anyone else. You do not like what I do. Whatever. You dump me, I'm better off without you. You can be selfish and it is good to be selfish sometimes. The breakup with Kuro however left estrangement from other friends, lostangelssong and duokinneas. Because I was just that in to Kuro that I forgot about my friends, and that is.. well it's bad. I managed to get back lostangelssong after much apologizing, and that was my first lesson before the new year, to cherish the old friends you have, as well as the new.

I started the year out with fennin and uzukisaru on my side, it was them that predominately cheered me up. They adopted me into their household as their Jin and I met hemisphere and we had many many long talks. That was January... and I felt happy, because they taught me the basics of "It doesn't have to be serious"

Then around the end of January, I met shuufish. It was actually something silly involving squenix_uni. fairyfey was harassing Fei with her Lust character and told me that so I demanded to be invited. Something connected between Mish especially when I started inquiring when ID would come out. And that was all that was written. We started IMing each other and talking and eventually letting the muses out. It was fun.

First of May I started a new job at Pizza Etc. The Bar and Grill on base. I became a cashier and it was alot of fun, imagine working with all people that you like. Yes I was that lucky.

Then around May I started making plans to fly in to meet the Uzuki Residence in the first of July. Along with plans to meet other people. Preparations came like that.

However the year was not without it's sadness and inner reflection for around the 15th of July I found out that kurohyou, the ex girlfriend, had committed suicide. And well there had never been any hard feeling of myself to her... (only her mother). That caused a bit of emotion, however just in time it was time to fly out to Georgia to meet the Uzuki's.

And I found a home for my heart. It was nice visiting with them and it made me happy. I love them all, and inadvertantly they all became my sisters. (Other aspects of the trip.. are a secret. *teehee* But perhaps just as wonderful.)

That was the summer without Alexi around, and it was fun. We actually became closer while he was gone. And I did realize that I do adore him like crazy, just as a best friend is all.

The Ninth of September Sigurd and Hyuga got married. Our first muses to do so... and then Fei and Citan tentatively started making their own plans.

We spent Halloween in Mountain Home this year, and it was the first year that I actually got to pass out Candy. It was one of those expiriences that was simple, and yet it brought me alot of sparkle to pass out candy to kids and ask what they were. I'd definitely like to do it again next year. *hee's*

Christmas has been better then last year, but it was a time of reflection over what happened last year. Over the course of the year, I made new friends, reconciled with old ones (duokinneas), I fandomed all over the place, I discovered new music, and I learned how to laugh all over again. It was a good year.

And ending the year, on December 31st, Fei and Citan tied the note. All that is left is Jin and Chaos. But they have their plans, however tentative it is. >.>

Goodbye 2005. You will be missed. It truly -was- the Year of the Kok. *heh's*

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