Fandom: Xenosaga (A little before 1..)
Pairing: Jin and Chaos
Song: "Sleeps with Butterflies" by Tori Amos.
Comments: This song was the very first song I associated with Jin and Chaos. All thanks to shuufish who tuned me into the song. And it was the first Tori Amos song that I really liked. This fic was written for a very special person, one who is just plain awesomepants and she knows it. I wanted to do something creative for her and I got the inspiration for this fic when I was riding home from work on thursday when I was trying to figure out -what- I was going to write her for her birthday. Mish, I hope you enjoy it. *huggles*
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night"
It seems like years and years ago since they had first happened upon each other, met upon the wartorn streets of Miltia. Two sides that were working different missions, yet both adding up and aiding to the same cause. In fact the more Jin thought about it, it -was- years ago. Fourteen years ago, but really who was counting, certainly not Jin who dispised any pretense of age. He had long since stopped counting the years after his 30th birthday, by that time age had become irrelevant and it was not something that he wanted to spend all of his free time concentrating on. It was enough to ponder one's burgeoning mortality over a cup of green tea, it was enough to have one's seeming invincibility ripped from you by the storm's warning of fate. After the latter, Jin quite preferred the former. It was easier to accustom oneself to it slowly so that it's advent did not slam into you like a katana slicing cleanly through metal.
Jin was walking down the street of Second Miltia, heading toward the cafe that he frequented, Moby Dick's. It was not the casual dinner that he normally took there by himself in the evenings. No, this time it was meeting someone there. It was very rare that Jin met with this particular person, for he could understand the other man's schedule was busy to say the least. There were many mysteries that surrounded him, none of which Jin truly knew. But he accepted it calmly and patiently, the questions had ceased after a certain point in his life. Even though the questions lingered above the surface, they did not fire with impetuosity like they had perhaps 10 years ago. Jin Uzuki, as hard to believe as it was, had finally learned the lesson of tact, had likewise learned to keep his mouth shut during the moments when it was judged far wiser not to speak.
The only wish he had now was to enjoy the company of his.. ~What do I call him?~ Jin thought to himself as he stepped into the dark paneled entryway and looked around for not just any familar face, but merely that certain one. Every face in the place was familar but for the moment, all he wanted was the shine of ocean eyes and a smile that was both that of a young boy and wizened sage combined. A always friend, sometimes lover.. Jin could not put a title to the person easily.
"I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net"
After flashing a wave to his old friend at the bar, he headed toward a booth that was less likely to be used, sitting down and then slipping into it before he scooted off toward the wall. He was early, he realized this but likewise he knew that he had wanted to get here a bit early so that he could have time to calm his nerves, though why his nerves were buzzing, he was not quite certain. Tapping his fingers against the table, and then the silverware. Somehow tonight would be important. After a little over ten years, some things were more certain than others. And the fact that he had not grown tired of him only served to make realization stronger.
Once upon a time, Jin had asked Chaos when his birthday was. Chaos merely gave him an enigmatic smile as they sat on the porch swing in the back of the Uzuki Residence. Jin remembered him saying that his birthday was a very long time ago. But there was nothing else that he said, no date.. no indication, not even an allusion to any particular season. So Jin had enough time to stew upon it to think over answers that had never been revealed. So he decided on a birthdate for Chaos, he had marked it in his little calander without telling Chaos. Something had felt right about the date that he had decided upon, his finger had fallen upon it and he got a glow from it.
Ordering a pot of tea, he sat down to wait the next few minutes out. They ticked by with agonizing slowness, symbolizing all the time that Jin had in this world. Seconds were nearly infinite to a person who only measured in hours, days and years. When the greatest lapse of time was between the cup of green tea and the slow advent of honey as it stickily clung to the drizzler, making its way downward into soothing depths.
He let his thoughts drip just like that string of honey, but instead of the cup, it went into his subconscious...
"You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
After the Y-data had been secured and the fight with Margulis had taken place, Jin had stumbled off, fearing the absolute worst. Perhaps it was the ache in the pit of his stomach which told him that not everything was alright, that a terrible tragedy was to be enacted upon a stage that would be a little too close to home. So he ran off, barely giving his farewells to the two that had had navigated with him. Perhaps he had been a bit intriqued by one of the members but he knew the severity of the situation that prevented him from doing what he would of done previously.
But then the blood, Shion screaming, his parents laid out sprawled and soaked in their own blood along with Shion's nanny. He had to keep calm even though his first instinct was to cave and submit to tears himself. That was not the strong way, that was not the Uzuki way. So he took Shion and lead her away from the scene, called the proper authorities and started what would seem like years of recovery. It had been imperative that he stay strong himself, to keep his head held high. He did what he could within the Federation but most of it was taken out of his jurisdiction due to his close involvement with the victims. Everything that was classified remained so.
It had been on the transport ship from Miltia where he had met up with him again. The green sparkle gone from his eyes, moving in a daze and barely holding on. Those words so gentle and friendly in the way that he said his title, murmuring Captain Uzuki as was protocol. Jin recognized him and tried to feign his cocky know-it-all attitude but then the other man rested a hand on his forearm and paused him. Jin looked into those cerulean blue eyes and for the first time since the incident he felt a strange sent of tranquility. ~Everything happens for a purpose.. despite the pain~. He believed for a fraction of a second that everything would be quite fine in the end.
That feeling was addictive, and especially balming over a cup of green tea and pleasant conversation.
"I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
So go on and fly then boy"
Jin did not know how it happened but once they returned to the beginning sub-colony of Second Miltia, he and the his emotional savior started seeing more of each other. Really jin did not know why the younger man kept around, certainly he knew that he had more important things to do then sit around listening to his agonized memories and even more debilitating fears. But coffee dates turned into afternoon strolls in the park, those strolls took their evolution into casual dinners and walks in the moonlight, and then to what Jin could of only thought as their natural conclusion, evening excursions drew out to include breakfast in bed the morning after.
From associative operatives, to friends and then the extra step to lovers. It had been natural and too easy to sink into those arms that had also promised him a listening ear. To bare his soul and his body, because that was what it was.. transcendance of a different sort. There had never been anything definite or planned, each of their coming together had happened naturally, a word spoken, a flutter of fingers, a whisper of clothing with no precursor.
At first it had been months between each time. As if they had been accustoming themselves to this new step in their association. And then it grew in frequency, until there was not a meeting that passed them by where they did not end up twined in each others arms. Jin knew that on his end it was because he felt comfortable with the other, a certain safety that his secrets would never leave the room in which they were uttered. For a long time he refused to believe that he could be comfortable with someone else, that he could commit. And yet, here he was, barely 33 years old and waxing whimsical. Having just recently completed his military career and left the Federation to pursue his own interests. Dreams of being everything that he had wanted to be when he was younger, a doctor.. a philosopher.. a baker.. and now finally given the chance to do so with the severence from his illustrious career.
Yet for all of his ambitions, he found himself more inclined to settle down. To stay in one place for the rest of his life, and to live in peace. No matter what he thought he would do though, there was one constant.. a constant that he wanted to stay in his life.
That was his chosen one.
When Jin had chosen him, he could not guess except that it had been halfway between their conversation about the moon and a little after he had brought up jet propulsion. The wish lasted through nights of nightmares when the only arms holding him were far stronger then the initial impression that they left.
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere"
He could of lost himself in his thoughts forever. They could of kept going and going, but then the tinkling of a bell was heard. He glanced up from his tea, trying not to appear too anticipating. There was booted footsteps on the stairway, and with each little thud came the thudding of his heart. He did not know what it was so important, he reached into his pocket, his fingers wrapping around something that he had been keeping in his pocket, a small box that was wrapped simply.
Then he glanced toward the partition wall where he would emmerge from, fixing a rather light smile upon his lips. One that would not reveal that he had been thinking -too- deeply for he never liked to wear his thoughts on his face. The number one rule with him for the most part had been to keep it light unless completely necessary. Though to be perfectly fair his eyes lighted when he saw that familar form step into view. All lithe and boyish, a form that belied his true age. Jin felt a surging in his heart as his eyes made contact with clear blue.
"Hey, Jin.." the boy-man said with a soft smile and a subtle wave of his hand. The words were as casual as Jin's eyes. And that was perhaps the best part of their relationship, is that half the time they did not worry each other with talk of emotions and the like.
Jin motioned to the seat across from him with his free hand in an invitation to sit down. "I took the liberty of ordering a second cup of tea for you.." Jin said as he watched his companion slide into the booth while adjusting his jacket in a very neat fashion.
"Yeah, the Elsa just pulled in for a brief docking, we are going to be here for a few days." That voice was so calm and gentle, yet the eyes that lurked underneath hinted of starlight and his own subtle teasing. "It was fairly easy to make up a reason to dock in Second Militia when I found out that you wanted to see me on this specific day, old man." Which was a joke betwixt themselves, for Jin always commented on the fact that the years seemed like they did nothing to the boy, while Jin bore faint laughter lines at the very corner of his eyes.
Now or never, Jin chuckled and then pulled out from his pocket the little wrapped package and then slid it across the table to his companion with a raise of his brow. "This is for you.. I well.. oh just open it."
"What?" The white haired youth inquired as he took the package that had been immaculately wrapped and then looked back at Jin. "Is this a special occasion?" His fingers started to undo the wrappings, making sure not to rip into it though the look in his eyes said that he would of have liked to.
Jin remained silent.
The opening of the black velvet box continued, fingers wondering as to what was in it. There was a folded piece of paper obstructing whatever it was from view and he picked it up delicately and then unfolded it. The note scented of green tea and ink. Jin's heart thrummed in anticipation and he noted that the other man did not even chance a glance at what was in the box yet, rather devoting himself to what was in the note.
"I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
So go on and fly boy"
Happy birthday. I know that you never told me your
birthday, but I have always had a birthday for you. The
day you were born to me was the day we first met. And in
a way, I think I was born again, if not that day.. then
a little shortly after.
I think I love you. -Jin-
He caught the faintest sparkle, glimmer of tears that Chaos tried to hide. He smiled then and took a sip of his tea, trying to appear nonchalant as he leaned back in the booth. "I hope it fits..". And when Jin was suddenly rushed from across the table by a armful of angel, well Jin knew that he had found a different kind of bliss, one that was unexpected and unconventional. He had always known that he was not exactly the conventional sort and if this was the type of treatment that he was going to recieve. Well, he would go on being as unconventional as would earn him more of these warm and spontaneous hugs.
"This girl only sleeps with butterflies"
-Fic by Hyu Westphal. For the birthday of shuufish
Added note: No Loincloths were harmed or Little Sisters traumatized in the writing of this fic...