Jyuu (jyuufish) wrote,

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~C.H.O.C.O. Koi o shiyo~!~

It has finally happened just like I -knew- it would happen.    I have hit the rock buttom slump right before my birthday.  The slump that comes with a vengance ever since my 20th birthday and has not.. ceased.    I know what everyone is saying.  "Nia, you are young.. you are in your prime.  A birthday is just a birthday.. don't get depressed."

Yes, try telling that to someone who is so morbid enough to have imagined her death a million times already.    It's like my mind wants to say that it's probably halfway into the grave.    Perhaps it is my scorpio afflictedness that does this to me.. or the fact that my mother died at 26 years old a few weels =after= birthday.    Regardless I associate my birthday with death.  It's always been that way, subconsciously tapping against my mind.

In fact I don't get used to the fact of my birthday until at least around November.  By Novemember I will have finally have accepted that I have gotten a whole new year older... and then I will be just fine.. for another 10 months.    It is a cycle, a long and somewhat tedious cycle.

"Now here I stand.
Oh in the morning sunshine..
Dreaming only of the promised land
Somewhere they say,
Beyond the great horizon..
Lies a beautiful island.."

Please no pity hugs.. I don't need them.  Unless they are from a scantily clad girl.. to which I say, BRING THEM ON.

Which reminds me.  *grumbles at Alexi*  He took the cellphone with him to work so I can't call kurohyou

My life got several degrees HAPPIER.. *bleahs*
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