Jyuu (jyuufish) wrote,

~Minor Earth, Major Sky~

Pairing:  Sigurd x Citan implied.
Fandom:  Xenogears
Song: Minor Earth, Major Sky by A-ha
Warning:  Wear your raincoat, this is a depressing songfic.  -__-  This is of course spoilers for all of you that do not know of Citan Uzuki's past.. but surely we do not have any of these people on my list... right... *snickers* I thought so.  If you haven't played Xenogears though.. once again, I strongly suggest that you guys play it. ^_^

"I can't see me in this empty place
Just another lonely face
I can't see me here in outer space
It's so hard to leave a trace"

People came and went but the seasons always changed.  Winter gave birth to Spring, Spring passed the torch to Summer, Summer dissapated to give way to Autumn and then Autumn came full circle as it heralded the approach of the cold bitter Winter.

"I should probably take some consolation in that."  Hyuga said as he walked down the streets of Entrenak, tugging the collar of his trenchcoat upward as he passed by the fountain that lay in Millenium Square.  A fountain that had been shut off for at least a few months due to the weather system having been implemented by the Holy Empire of Solaris.  It gave the people some comfort and kept them from going stir crazy on the large floating colony, something that had been psychologically proven before the system had been installed.    Hyuga still felt stir crazy, all speaking of weather systems aside, it was like a gnawing down in his gut that threatened to eat it's way upward til it reached his heart, and then his mind.  A black plauge of the soul that he could not seem to shake himself out of.

It had been a year that had passed, twelve months to this very day when Sigurd had gotten on that transport ship that would carry him down to Ignas and thereby had left Hyuga more alone then he had ever thought possible.  Normally Hyuga had gotten the feeling that he was alone, even when in a crowded room, one of those pulsing clubs in downtown Entrenak where the music would overtake them and leave them clinging and desperate.  But someone he had not been completely alone, certainly not when Sigurd was there to stand at his side.    Now though, now Hyuga felt alone even in his own soul.    It was like staring into an empty void devoid of any human joy and only made up of it's acute suffering.

Hyuga had known that the anniversary of Sigurd's leaving would be hard on him and yet it had not stopped him from counting down the months, days and hours obsessively, as if once the day had passed he would mysteriously be -okay- with it.  A part of him hoped the pain would go away magically, just like that.  Go away and never trouble him again.

"And I try and I try and I try
But it never comes out right
Yes I try and I try and I try
But I never get it right"

If only things could truly be that simple.      Simplicity in thought had never been Hyuga's strong point though and he found himself thinking longingly of the past in all it's faceted surfaces.  A past that could of been hell but wasn't.  The only hell that existed was the hell of looking back and remembering how -intensely he had felt such emotions, such happiness.    The other part of that hell was realizing that one could not expirience such happiness ever again.    Pessimistic yes, but it was the only feeling that remained, and it did not remain so much as cling and leech him of all his energy.

What did Hyuga do when faced with the anniversary with Sigurd's departure?  He did the only thing that he wanted to.. mourning Sigurd's absence for the one day of the year when he knew he could publically allow himself to do so.    Walking down the streets that they had walked down, gaining entrance into the clubs that they had spent their saturday nights once they had become Elements, peeking into the coffee shop where they would go after the completion of a rigorous all-night mission. 

These forms of self-torture should not of been allowed for Hyuga for it was like opening the wounds all over again, bringing back the pain with a ice pick in lieu of a velvet glove.   

"It's a Minor Earth Major Sky"

Nothing could stop it, Hyuga kept seeing the shadowy forms of the past walking alongside his shiveringly cold figure.  Two forms that were warm, still vibrant and alive with love and enthusiasm for life, fed by his own longing and need for someone, though not just anyone, rather Sigurd.  That was the only man his heart needed, desired.    However it was useless, his love had gone back to the surface, to a place that Hyuga had only read about in books but knew to be a realitiy.

While he was hung up in the stars like an angel turned upside down.    All that Hyuga would of wished for was just to fall, but the chords that tied him held him fast.  The chords of duty and responsibility that also enabled him to protect Sigurd and his cause.    Fallen, Hyuga knew he could do no good.. but he had wings.. and with those wings he could guard his love from afar.    While that was not as satisfying as being with Sigurd.. he really did not have to choice, it was better to guard Sigurd like this then actually be with him and thereby signing both of their death warrents.

For when it came down to it, Hyuga was no stranger to loss.  He had lost his family and survived it, even though his hold on sanity had left much to be desire.    For the past year he had lost Sigurd and survived it but those chords of sanity wore thin.  The aloneness would get to him soon and he would break, but he would only break -after- he was assured of Sigurd's safety.  He would not allow himself to break before that time.. leading a cool facet of rational to his inner madness.

"I can't see me in this lonely town
Not a friendly face around
Can you hear me when I speak out loud
Hear my voice above the crowd"

"Hmmmm Hyuga, why are you looking so glum?"  Sigurd had asked him one early morning in the late autumn before his departure as they had been walking down a lonely lane.  They had spent an exhuastive night at the clubs and they were headed back to the Jugend complex in order to curl up in bed and sleep the morning and part of the afternoon away.

"It's a premonition.  I just feel as if this cannot last forever."  Hyuga murmured reflectively with his arm drapped around Sigurd's waist and he rested his cheek against the broad shoulder which was scented with both sweat and the light scent of amber which was fastly trying to lull him into a decadent slumber.    He felt that arm that lingered around -his- waist proceed to draw him closer in something that was akin to a cuddly hug.. the type that was used to soothe Hyuga whenever these bouts of 'nothing-lasts-forever' sank in.

"Of course it will last forever.. we were meant to be, Hyu."  Sigurd said, his voice holding all the optimisim of a seventeen year old.    Not aware that when you were a teenager you just did not think that bad things could happen, not to you, not to the one you loved.  It was that optimism that had drawn Hyuga to his lover, however misplaced now Hyuga realized that it was.

"I want it to last forever, I do not want you to ever leave me."  Hyuga breathed sleepily, burrowing into that embrace that seemed to sooth away all of his fears and doubts.

"You have my promise.. we'll go the distance, we'll fly together, and we'll soar like eagles."  That is the last thing he had remembered before his mind shut down.  Those words that thinking back to it now was but jinxing them for what was to come.

"And I try and I try and I try
But it never comes out right
Yes I try and I try and I try
But I never get it right"

That was the shortest forever that Hyuga had ever expirienced in his life.    For it ended two weeks after those fateful words had been uttered underneath the dawning sun of Solaris.    Was it any wonder why Hyuga had lost his faith in the concept of time.    The true forever had taken place after Sigurd's departure.  That was the only forever that really mattered now.    The single year that had passed seemed like the forever he had been promised, but this promise was not made by Sigurd.. no, this one was uttered by the cruel machinations of fate, and what promises Fate made, she usually kept despite all protestations.

"Sigurd..."  He whispered as he bowed his head in order to watch every step he took down that platinum fortified street, his steps making a click against it that rang surreal.      He only then realized that tomorrow would be no different then the day before.  No great ephiney would occur.  He would still be alone, still be melancholy and likewise his heart would still ache.  A year had passed and while it seemed so long, it was only bound to get longer.. and soon that forever would stretch into the realms of death and madness.

His mind was diseased by a growing and festering madness that he kept under wraps, kept there because he had a job to do.    Fondling the thin line between sanity and insanity, hoping that the thread would not break suddenly.  If he broke then it would all come apart, the tapestry would unraval, so he struggled to keep it all together.  Despite his loneliness, despite his inner weakness.

If he was not strong, who would he have to lean on?  No one whatsoever.

That thought proved a cold comfort against the snow that had started falling almost as if on mechanical cue with the workings of his fragile heart.    It was enough so that it numbed his body and he willed it to slip into his soul, slip where it could numb his heart for another year.

It would have to do.

Little did he know that it was snowing on the surface as well.. in the desert.  It was a reminder of all that had been lost, it was a numbing that was needed to get them through the next twelve years.

"It's a
Minor Earth Major Sky"

Songfic by Nia Westphal

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