Jyuu (jyuufish) wrote,

  • Music:

~Ever Free~

This is a piece of serious writing from me. It does not contain any yaoi, no het.. no yuri. No sexual feelings whatsoever. Just the feelings a son has for his mother and the impression that she made on his life... based on the impression that my grandmother had on my life.

It is not often that I write anything other then male x male smut.. so I was really pleased with how this vigrenette came out.

There was never a time when she was not there for me even though at times I could never really see her.  She went by the name of Schala Bainbridge though most knew her as Lady Mystic, her known title in the mystic world.  She was an icon to those who needed some sort of effigy for the lost and forlorn to subscribe to.  Her voice rang as true and pure as the meadowlarks flying over the glistening heliotroped waters of Lake Trinity, just before the sun dipped completely over it's horizon.  But not only that, she was truth.  In truth most certainly lay beauty, and if that were the case then indeed she was the most beautiful creature that the land of Sylvia had ever seen.  Forgive me for being slightly profane, but the Elementals above shall forgive me.  Of that I know as certainly as I know my own name.

Despite all her accomplishments, the people that have lauded her for the very myths and legends that surround her.  I recognize her for the core that she is.  I see what others do not see.  A quivering mass of fragile shards that could break if not for the cloak of self-preservation that she holds around her like a lover's breath.  I have seen the sacrifices that she has made, every sacrifice edging through her skin while she smiles.  A way to hide pain for walking barefoot on a road of glass, smiling even while she wants to scream out her soul's lost refrain in an attempt to find it.

She is the one that I go to when I have a question that taps insistantly at my mind.  It is not the fact that she can answer it, for no one truly has the answer to everything.  But as I sit at her feet and she strokes her fingers through my hair, She gives me the calm to logically examine that which I feel and that which I think.  The tools to seperate them, view them objectively and then put them back together so that they are seamless.  Never does she try to solve my problems for me even though I have seen in her sparkling amethsyt eyes that she wishes that she could.  The pain I feel she balms with her gentle words, but never does she take it away.

"Without Pain, there is no learning.  And if you cannot learn, then you are like a plant deprived of sun and water.. you cannot grow."  She would impart to me as we were out in the gardens tending her beloved flowers, using the plants and shrubs as examples of life and humanity.  "That weed, it serves a purpose.. it chokes the flower and yet how can a flower truly know what it is like to breath if it has not expirienced that which can pin it down."

And then she plucked the weed, tossing it off to the mulch pile, her hands covered with dirt and soil.  Usually prinstine white robes covered with the fruits of her labour.    Most would take acception to the Lady Mystic playing around in the mud.. but to me, that was when she was at her most beautiful.  Not when she stood on the pedestal that everyone placed her on, but rather when she looked human, complete and yet secure in her own mortality.  What enhanced the tableaux was a few specks of dirt mingling in with her long white hair and a smudge of mud lightly playing over her nose while she smiled in her beatific way.

I often times wonder what the masses would say if they could see her this way, playing in the earth like a child who takes delight in such wonders.  Have they ever seen her smile sincerely, an outpouring of all the love that shines forth from eyes that are much older then she herself appears.  What would they think to see a named goddess sink to the world, bereft of her wings and with her only intention being to mingle with mortals.  It might dis-illusion some, but to me it merely captivated.

Only the lucky few could catch that mischevious sparkle in her eyes, or be privledged to know the woman behind the title.  It was such a privledge that I will admit had taken advantage of at times.  Had I known the way that paths and fate would of collided, I would of spent my time trying to make each moment golden and special.  Never would a moment have been wasted for knowledge of the time when like a bird she would fly.. away from me, away from this earth and back into the arms of the Elementals where she belonged.

But then I think of what she would say.

"If we knew the future and what it held for us, it would make the present superfluous and painful all at the same time.  The future is cloaked, allowing us to feel happiness in the simple moments and joys."

She is right, you know.

Needless to say, she is still there.  Regardless of if I can see her or not.  Just as all that return to the Elements rest in their arms, so do they return to the Elements.  I can see her eyes sparkling like the waters of of the Trinity lake, purpled from the setting sun.  The clouds are her hair after Zephyr has played through it, painting the locks across the sky.. and her smile, her smile is the feel of the warm sun on my skin right after it has wakened for the day.

Now I work to carry out the duties that she had to leave.. and I wonder.  Will I be to my children what she was to me.  I cannot know this, all I can do is hope.

I love you, mother.  May your soul shine as free as the way in which you lived.

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