I ordered a Sigurd and Citan doujinshi... so I have that to look forward to.. however it hasn't caused me as much glee as it normally would of. It is just material things.. *shrugs* I am also trying to make it so that it doesn't hurt as much, of course my success rate isn't too -big-. Thanks to everyone who has said something to cheer me up, I appreciate it. I just wish there was something I could do rather then sit here and be essentially useless. My mind is going in several different ways and the whatnot.. none of which are any easier or less painless.
I suppose I just feel like I have gotten a wing ripped off.. and it rather smarts.. not physically wise.. but emotionally I go between being -very- numb and -very- raw to the point of one touch and I want to curl up and die.
I've tried all I could.. now I just leave it in her hands... because that is all I -can- do.