Jyuu (jyuufish) wrote,
Jyuu
jyuufish

  • Music:

~Don't say you love me, you don't even know me..~

I had a dream that had Mel in it.

it was such a dream that made me sort of wake up blinking. She had actually combined herself with another icon of my past, Lisa and I had to watch her mess up Lisa. That was something that I did not want to see.. it was sad but it happened. And I remember Lisa walked in and I was in the tub. (Now granted Lisa and I were wierd like that.. we would hang out in each other's bathrooms while the other was taking a bath.. there was nothing sexual in it... we just could talk and we usually had alot to talk about) but anyways I was in the bathtub and then she walked in and talked about our fucked up past and how I supposedly screwed her over.

And my response was,

"I screwed -you- over?" and I was looking at Lisa and hearing Mel and it hurt. Especially when she started to go on about my grandmother, and in the dream part of me wanted to tear out of that bathtub and slap her on the face as hard as I could. But I did not.

After that I could not drag myself to sleep any longer. All pretense of sleep had been left and I woke up and just stared at the ceiling for awhile. I don't know what made me dream of Mel. But I know that I am over her. Despite a few really bad heart scars that if they get stepped on, they hurt a little bit, other then that they are fine.

And luckily Mel didn't turn me off women completely, though all the emotional bewilderment was enough to make me shy away for a few years.
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