Jyuu (jyuufish) wrote,

  • Music:


Fandom: Xenogears
Pairings: Sigurd x Hyuga | Hyuga x Yui
Song: "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran
Overview: Hyuga finds out the -true- meaning of emotional survival.
Warnings/Author's Note: No warnings. Perhaps some emotional angst and the whatnot. This is my answer to the whole Sigurd x Hyuga x Yui triangle. And what I believed Hyuga's feelings for Yui were. (definitely love). However there are undertones of Sigurd per usual.

Crossposted to hyuricdeau, xenoqueers and advent Feedback is welcome!

"Came in from a rainy thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly.
I turned on the lights,
The TV and the radio..
Still I can't escape the ghost of you."

Hyuga stayed there for the longest time. At the docks where the transport ships left and departed for the surface. He had stayed there to watch the transport ship leave, and along with it went all his hopes and dreams for the future. He had tried to remain brave, he had tried to lock up as much of the hurt as he could so as to not alarm Sigurd. After all Sigurd had a greater purpose, he had people down on the surface that -needed- him. While Hyuga could of cursed Sigurd's returned memories, he knew that he could not, never could he fault the boy who gave him everything. Touches, caresses, whispering lingering visions of love tied up in the simple act of spoken words.

His heart, slowly breaking as the Transport ship disappeared from his view. How did his eyes remain dry, how was it that Hyuga could not cry whatsoever would of been a marvel to anyone standing around had they known exactly how much Hyuga was giving up in order to set Sigurd free.

Slowly he turned around on his heels and started out of the dock area. It was a lonely and long walk underneath clear skies. The Solaris Weather Modulator made sure that the sun was shining the entire time that he walked. It could not even have the decency to rain, a rain to shelter the drought of his heart. He rubbed his temples as he walked through Entrenak, his head hung low and a few locks of black that escaped from his ties were falling, swaying as he moved.

How he made it back to Jugend, he did not know. Initially he attempted to go back to what was now his room. But as the door whirred softly and he got his first glimpse of that room. All the memories of times spent there hit him. Times spent on either of their beds, cuddling, kissing, laughing and talking.. and ultimately of Sigurd's promise of forever.

~I will never leave you, Hyu~

Hyuga could not fault Sigurd with having to break that promise. It was duty that had spurned it on for Sigurd. And if Sigurd had even a single hope of saving those who he had finally remembered, well Hyuga could not hold him back. To do so would of been incredibly selfish on his part.

There was no such thing as forever.. only people who came and went, no matter how much of an impression that made on your life.. it was their destiny to leave, and yours.. to learn.

Hyuga fled that room filled with memories and went to the gear hanger to tune up Fenrir. Pour his heart out to a scion of steel and bolts.. something that would dam his emotions effectively.

"What is happening to it all
Crazy some will say?
Where is the life that I recognize
Gone away"

Hyuga did the only thing he could do when dealing with the pain and that was submit himself to quite a bit of work. The type of work that would fill his mind with no other thoughts, no painful thoughts that he could tie together with memories of Sigurd. He worked into the night, only pausing long enough to grab something quickly from the chow hall or else gain a few hours of sleep. His mind would not let him sleep overmuch though. It was the things that he dreamed about. Cerulean eyes that sparkled softly and lovingly in his direction, he could not stay in his dreams for fear that he would never want to waken.

His only respite came in form of the daily meetings that he was called in to attend. Evidentally Emperor Cain had heard of him and his intelligence and had been eager to see the exact capabilities of Hyuga Ricdeau, the water element. And that is what resulted in countless long discussions with the Emperor. To say that Hyuga was flattered would of been an understatment because he was, and as he had a chance to -talk- with the Emperor, he realized that the Emperor was really a very noble being.

To have someone to -talk- to. It was especially needed the day that Jesiah came and told him that he was locating to the surface as well. And that would leave him with Kahr and Miang. Both two individuals that he could neither stand and barely tolerate.

Kahr's resentment over taking the man that he hungered for and Miang's slyly seductive ways as she tried to catch him unaware. He found that he he spent less and less time out of Jugend in his free time and more time talking with the Emperor at the Imperial Palace.

Nevertheless it still came as a surprise when he ushered to the conference room and given a manila envelop that was marked with the Classified stamp. Once the doors were sealed then he was given leave to open it. Inside were his orders. His promotion. A promotion that he had not seen coming and he was in awe of. Guardian Angel of Solaris. Such a title was not given out lightly, and it came only once in a blue moon. The last Guardian Angel had been Mathias Jaevyn and he had died 500 years ago though his plaque graced the foyer of the academy being that he had been the founder of Jugend.

He had to grasp something to keep from passing out at the honor. And yet it was an honor that he was not totally overjoyed over. However he knew with acceptance of that position, his way would be paved completely. Never again would he have to worry about where his life would go after Jugend.

Doing what any sane man would do, he accepted it. Something in him knowing that with the adoption of such a position, it would drive him further away from Sigurd. No, the position would give him something to think about, focus on. Somewhere deep inside he was hoping that the work would make the pain numb itself.

"But I won't cry for yesterday,
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way,
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive."

Seasons passed and likewise so did years in the grander scheme of things. Hyuga did what he had to for the Emperor and in turn he was given a wealth of knowledge at his fingertips, He was given the stars and the heavens. He was by all rights an angel and there was nothing that he could not command nor nothing that he could not do.

And yet the one thing that he wanted was now beyond his reach. Not only because of his position but because to go to Sigurd now, it would mean putting Sigurd's life in danger. Somehow in the situation that had set the stage, Hyuga realized he had enough power to save his beloved. He could hijack the communication towers to garble the signals that were sent to try to find the last scion of the Fatima throne. Did Sigurd even know that he was being watched over by a Guardian Angel those early years when they were forced to flee all around the desert? It was by Hyuga's hands that Sigurd and Company escaped Shakkan's grasp time after time.

~If I cannot be with you.. at least let me protect you.. ~

And meanwhile Hyuga led a lonely existance in Entrenek. Returning each night to seek his bed for but a few hours... wishing that he could share his position with Sigurd. Longing for things that could never be. His heart slowly going insane from being parted from Sigurd while his mind kept coolly logical. Two factions warring over control of his very being.

"Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you say
Pride will tear us both apart
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops.. run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart"

"Commander Ricdeau, I am appointing you to led the Second Invasion of Shevat." Emperor Cain's voice rang out across the meeting room and Hyuga heard it. He had for so long suffered underneath a cloud of depression. It was as if his soul was pining for Sigurd. For what they had together even though it had been nearly four years since the fateful day that the transport ship had taken off. Many a night Hyuga would go up to the rooftop and sit there, looking up at the stars and wondering if Sigurd was looking up at those same stars and remembering him. Or had Sigurd moved on like Hyuga had not been able to do.

Somehow the thought did not appeal to Hyuga. Imagining -his- Sigurd with someone else, a twining of bodies under the hot Aveh desert. It was enough to drive Hyuga to a gut wrenching jealousy as well as a severe self setting-down for having an over-active imagination.

"Very well, Sir." Hyuga nodded quietly as he folded his hands together. It was his duty after all and it was a direct order. Not like he could ever shirk his duties.

However Hyuga had pondered the possibilities of death. Of seeking it, of making the emptiness go away. An emptiness that gnawed at him incessently. There would only be relief in death, he knew this and likewise he knew that he could fall in battle at any time. Such a possibility would not be unwelcome.

And so he went into the seige theoretically seeking any type of death that he could get. Victory. Honor through death, something to take the pain away. All would work as balms for his wounded psyche. Death was an alternative to this loneliness that he felt deep at his core.

His troops, well he would make sure that they were protected from his particular death wish. With maddening slowness he exited Fenrir and started to walk down from the docks.. wearing a Solarian uniform, his katana sheathed at his side. Everything was still and peaceful. Almost too still and peaceful. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then started to head toward the main tower. Above them the clashing of Solarian and Shevat forces could be heard. He had essentially left them while he went down to handle matters.

~Death be quick.. whoever it may be~

There was a strange energy in the air. A swirl of leaves and then he turned around. In a flash of a moment he saw the blade of a katana much similar to his own. A blade that rippled the air right by his ear and clearily honing the slight whisper of tangible sound waves that radiated off the shining steel.

He turned around and his gaze alighted on a figure of a young woman with shining gold hair and a determined expression in her face.

"I am not here to hurt a woman, who is the defender of this city." Hyuga said, holding honor despite his mission.

"I am Yui Uzuki and I am the one who is defending the city. Either kill me or be killed by me." The woman said as she cut the air with her katana in an almost telling gesture. The strength, Hyuga was almost bowled over by it. However he nodded as he drew out his own katana, the steal sliding against the sheath as a determined look entering his eyes. One had to wonder if the determined-ness was due to his mission or his death wish.

Hyuga had only a few moments to respond to the attack that Yui launched full-fledged on him. Steel met steel as grey met brown. He threw her off of his sword with the weight of his body as he started dashing up the little stone platforms. His agility being put to use. However Yui was just as agile and he paused when he saw her land on the stone step in front of him. No clue as to how she did it, he swiped at her with the katana.

They danced around Shevat for a few more moments.. before Hyuga decided it was time for him to die. He paused as he saw Yui charge at him. Before Yui could respond, her katana had been launched into Hyuga's gut and he felt the pain overwhelm him.. slipping to his knees with a gritted outburst of pain.

"Why did you not move aside? Does Solaris train -all- their military to be that.. sacrificing." Yui said as she dropped to her feet beside Hyuga and looked at the red wound that slowly spread over his uniform. And then she cast a look into those brown eyes that suddenly looked so.. vulnerable and lost.

"One more thrust.. ought to.. kill me." Hyuga breathed as he reached over for his katana and offered it to Yui. It made Yui's heart ache just a bit to see a man like this want to die. She smirked slightly and then looked down at him with eyes that were vaugely.. curious. "Make it quick.."

"You are not dying today, Mr...- I don't really know your name.. I don't make it a habit of asking potential attackers their names."

"Hyuga.. Ricdeau... Commander.. that hardly matters now."

"What is happening to me?
Crazy some will say..
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away."

But Yui would not let Hyuga die. She treated his wounds almost as thoroughly as she had tried to kill him. Hyuga was confused but it was a pleasant sort of confusion. He found himself intriqued by this woman that could attempt to kill him -and- nurse him back to health with so much dedication. Death did not come for him and afterwards he realized how silly he had been for even considering such a course of action.

And technically he was Yui's prisoner. She could kill or let him go at her discretion But she kept him.. allowed him to stay at her home in Shevat. He found that she was one that he could talk to. Not about everything. He conveniently let the subject of Sigurd never come out. If she knew.. or if she even saw the locket that he wore around his neck that held Sigurd's visage.. well he would never know.

Most importantly he began to question his ability to move on. It was that questioning that allowed him to get close to Yui. He saw the regard in her eyes turn to love but he did not say anything about it. Perhaps it could be said that he led her on.. but in the end he had to admit that he -did- hold affection for her. It was certainly not the grand passion that he still held for Sigurd.. but it was something warm and soothing like flame in a fireplace. There was no chance that you could get burned if you just allowed yourself to get close for warmth.

It was then on a clear summer's day on top the roofs of Shevat when he approached Yui who had been acting as handmaiden to Queen Zephyr for the day. They were surrounded by the wind, the sky and peace. Hyuga, clad in a green silk outfit, the type that Yui had sewn for him and one that would forever go down as being one of his favorite outfits.

"Yui. May I speak to you?"

"Yes, Hyuga?" Yui said as she turned around and graced her friend with a smile. For a moment Hyuga saw Yui and thought that perhaps he was marrying the most beautiful woman in the world. No she was not beautiful in the conventional sense. But when she smiled, it transformed her. And the sun weaving halos through her hair. Well Hyuga knew he was affected in a small way.

"I have been thinking about the past couple of months. You have done so much for me and I am greatful. Not many would offer amnesty to a Solarian such as I. I came to Shevat seeking death, and I found life. And well. Oh dear, I have never been very good at saying what is on my mind. But I was.. well." And then Hyuga got down on one knee before Yui, taking her hand into his.

"Yes Hyuga?

"Will you do the honor of becoming my wife?"

Yui looked down at that raven head bowed in respect and she smiled as she very softly tugged on Hyuga's hand in order to bring him back up to a standing position so that she could look into his eyes.

"Yes Hyuga.. I shall do you that honor." Yui then placed a light kiss against his lips. No, it was not a kiss of passion. It was one of love though, a gentle love that would do more to heal Hyuga's wounded heart then anything else save for the hope of ever seeing Sigurd again.

"But I won't cry for yesterday,
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way,
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive."

"Will you -stop- pacing, you blasted Solarian." Gasper groused as he saw his son-in-law pace a hole into the worn forest green carpet. Nervousness of course. Hyuga was going to be a father. A father? It seemed like only yesterday that he and Yui had married.. and so soon a child. A child that Hyuga had found that he wanted above anything else. Something told him, tugged at his mind that he would be connected to this child.

"I have a name dear grandfather in law." Hyuga nearly -growled-. Usually he tried to keep himself amiable to Gasper however this was a special situation and his nerves were already fraught. Was Yui alright? Was there going to be complications? It had already been 15 hours and he had been frantic with worry. It did not help that nurses and doctors went in and out of the room with an urgency that bordered on the hurried but there was no talking, only awkward silence. "I think this is an appropriate time to -use- it."

"Eh, whatever.. back in -my- day..."

"I think we can be spared some of your 'back in my day' stories. I should think this is -hardly- the time." Hyuga cut Gasper off as he looked at a nurse carrying some warm wet towels. With deterimination Hyuga cornered her, grasped her shoulder and looked into her eyes.

"You -must- tell me.. how is Yui?" There was a bit of desperation in his voice.

"It is not looking too good, Sir..." The nurse said. "There's complications. The baby.. it's turned the wrong way."

But the nurse would say no more and Hyuga let her go. He bowed his head. Another loss seemed set on overcoming him. Not only one but two. His wife and his child. He could not have that though. He gritted his teeth and then grabbed the towels from the nurse's hands. "I am going in there and I would -like- to see you attempt stop me." Hyuga said as he placed his hands on the doorknob and he jerked the door open. The doctors looked up, as well as Yui's face which looked so weak and wan but she managed a smile in her husband's direction.

"Yui.." Hyuga said, almost hurting from that look of pain in her eyes, coupled by the weak smile.


That is when Hyuga shifted slightly, he pushed aside the doctors and surveyed what was before him. The situation so to speak. When he next spoke, all the emotion fled from his voice and he was once again the cool and composed Commander Ricdeau. He treated this like a battle campaign.. one that he had no choice but to win.

He started shouting out orders which the doctors and the nurses were hesitant to contest. He knew that Yui's energy was low and that she was gravely close to being lost as well as the child. "Please go tell Gasper that if he wants his granddaughter to live, he will come in here right now and assist me..."

And then Hyuga and Gasper worked.. worked to keep Yui alive and to save the child.. even though Yui was their first priority. Long hours into the night.. they finally had Yui stabilized but the child.. the child was the difficult one of all. There was so much blood and it was a process that he did not enjoy, reaching up into Yui in order to turn the child around. He put aside his revulsion though with his clinical mind. Slowly and carefully he got the child's neck untangled from the umbilical chord.

The darkest hour was always before dawn.

"Please Yui.. I am not asking for much. I know you are tired.. I know you are weak, but please push. Do it for me."

"Hyuga, I can't.. so tired.."

"Then let me give you some of my strength..." And then Hyuga would kiss his wife, a soft and gentle kiss. A kiss urging her to try.. for him.

And as the dawn began touching the skyline of Shevat, Yui gave birth to a baby girl. A very still and very quiet baby girl, so unmoving. She was wrapped in blankets and handed to Hyuga by Gasper who grunted almost sorrowfully at the fact that the child was not breathing at all.

"It -was- a girl.."

Tears almost threatened to spill over Hyuga's face as he held the form in his arms. Closing his eyes as Yui lay there resting on the bed, the ordeal done but with her still -very- weak. His fingers brushed against still warm skin of the child's cheek. Such grief overcame him, shuddering through his body as he started to cry. Making no noise but could be easily be seen by the quake of his broad shoulders.

~I could not save her.. and I had wanted a daughter so much. A child to call my own. I had fallen in love with her over the past eight months. Fallen in love, I read to her, I hummed to her, I did everything I could.. and.. gone.. like this...~

Suddenly he felt tiny miniscule fingers lightly brush against his cheek and he looked down to see brown eyes staring up at him with solemnity. For a moment his breath caught, in wonder as they shared a gaze. A gaze that said more then any words could. It was just a second before they bound themselves inexpilcably to each other.

~I love you...daddy~ The strains echoed in his mind and he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. The words sending a warmth through his heart.

"She is alive.." He breathed, allowing a shuddering gasp of relief to overtake him. "She is alive..."

In that instant Hyuga was swarmed as he held the child in his arms. However soon the child was relinquished to her mother's care and Hyuga sat down in the chair beside Yui's bed. Smiling as he saw his wife and child laying there. The little girl contentedly suckling against her mother's nipple.

"You saved her, you saved us, Hyuga. You should get to name the child." Yui murmured as she reached over to brush a lock of hair out of Hyuga's eyes. He looked at the child for a long moment and then said softly, almost whisperingly.

"Midori Harcourt Ricdeau.." It came to his heart and he knew that it was perhaps sentimental on his part. Sentiment for the memory of the old lover that he had grown to love back in his boyhood days. A love that was still there if only enshrined safely in a locked part of his heart.

"That is beautiful, Hyuga. What does Midori and Harcourt mean?" Yui inquired.

"Midori is the word 'green' in desert tribe language.. and Harcourt, that was the last name of a dear friend that I had in Jugend, I promised myself I would name one of my children should I have any, after him."

"And what happened.. to your friend?"

"He had duties to attend to. One of the most admirable things about him, his concern for others. I suppose that is why I admired him."

"Well Midori Harcourt, welcome to the Ricdeau household..." Yui said as she placed a soft kiss against her daughter's forehead

"Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and grief
Feared today, forgot tomorrow
Here beside the news of holy war and holy need..
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk."

Yui found out that the complications of Midori's birth would prevent her from having any more children. As much as it saddened both of them, at least they did have Midori and that was better then nothing at all. At an early age she displayed astounding intelligence, and the proclivity to read minds. Which did not hit Hyuga fully until one night he was sitting in a wing chair by the fire reading when a two year old Midori toddled up to him and looked into his eyes before speaking softly.

"You miss him?"

Such a statement floored him for he had not been speaking at all.. only thinking about the past as he was prone to do. And those brown eyes, well he could not help but bit his lower lip as he regarded his very young daughter.

"Yes I do, poppet.." Hyuga said as he picked up Midori and placed her on his lap, holding her close. "You can read minds?"

There was a soundless nod and Hyuga vaugely thought it was ironic that Sigurd's namesake should have the ability to read minds just as much as Sigurd had possessed those empathic talents that Hyuga had often time shied away from. There had been no hiding his feelings from Sigurd, just like there would be no hiding his thoughts from Midori.

"He'll come back.." Midori lisped as she nuzzled her cheek underneath Hyuga's chin.

"If he does not, or if we do not meet again.. I shall not worry overmuch. I have reached that point in my life where I am content. I only visit the shrine in my mind.. to dust it off occasionally." Hyuga said as he stared into the flames of the hearth. "I have your mother and you. That is good enough for me at this stage in my life."

"Never leave me, father." Midori whispered.

"I cannot promise that Midori. Promises should never be made unless you are certain that the promise will not be broken. I can promise though that the time that I do spend with you shall never be wasted, that I will always love you with the best of my abilities.. and if I should ever chance to leave you.. though it be no will of my own if I do.. I will watch over you, unseen." Hyuga said as he placed a soft kiss against Midori's forehead.

No, Hyuga did not believe in forever. He believed in the here and now.. and making the best of the moments that you had, the tangible moments that could be touched upon and seen for what it was.

Promises of forever only weakened you.

And Hyuga had learned well the value of survival.. both emotional and otherwise.

"Every world is my world
~I will learn to survive~
Any world is my world...
~I will learn to survive~"

Ordinary World by Duran Duran

Songfic by Nia Westphal

  • Hi everyone!

    Long time no see! Once again I am over at Dreamwidth however if you find yourself being added by an 'alwaysbeenasmiler'; that's me. I've added some…

  • : Pimping : (come on people, we need more people for this challenge comm)

    ff_land is a Final Fantasy-themed challenge community where you first get sorted into one of six teams (Soldiers, White Mages, Black…

  • (no subject)

    They have some sort of Final Fantasy sorting thing over at Dreamwidth that I am sort of interested in. I am reading my application and I'm thinking…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 1 comment