March 22nd, 2011

Hanyuu/Rika♥You know no one dies

: Gonna say hello to my soul; sitting on a mountain saying goodbye to the sun :

:crawls out of the massive hole that I was sort of mysteriously sucked into in the past month:

Well first of all, I'd like to thank you all for not deleting me through my massive personal well being hiatus. I've had a few messages here and there going "Jyuu.. where are youuuuuuuu!" and I'm sorry, I've just needed to take a break from.. well everything. I've been sort of struggling with massive issues of depression. Believe me, this is new for me, the last time I was depressed, it was for the first week in january of 2005 right after kurohyou *crosses self* broke up with me. (and just so everyone knows, myself and shuufish haven't broke up, but we've been dealing with each other and some major issues. But like any strong relationship, I think that we'll survive.

In the past the lowest I ever really go is 'apathy' where I feel absolutely nothing, and that lasts like two or three days, maybe a week at the most, and that usually happens yearly. I think this depression stems from the fact that I just don't feel in control of myself. (I have major control issues in real life, everything has to magically go according to my 'plan' whatever the hell that is at the time, it's really hard for me to relax in that sense).

There are some positive things that have happened.

Lala is still doing well, she's still eating regularly and while she consumes an almost scary ammount of water, she still loves on me and purrs when I'm in bed. So she still loves me despite the fact that she's confined to my room now (because of her kidney or bladder issues, she really does just pee everywhere). She's the next in line to get looked at, I'll end up taking her to the vet to get the official diagnosis of whatever it is she's expiriencing. Hopefully my self diagnosis is wrong, but I'm not going to put too much hope in it.

My windshield is finally fixed, so I don't have a glaring crack in it anymore (my air conditioning however went out again, so I don't know. Did I mention that my car is utter crap?) I'm focusing on the windshield, it's not a problem with the air conditioning, it won't be an issue until it gets to be cold again, so that can wait, at the very least my car won't leak anymore.

I have a new ipod, named "Jason Orange Juice" after the facebook group I created. Any Jason Orange fans who I have on my flist who in fact have facebook should join. We're a great group of people. There are a few people who are like 'eh' (I don't seriously want to hear any whinging 'I get jealous when Jason's on stage with a female because I know he's banging her in the back afterwards' People, your jealousy is useless. You can't control who he boffs so just deal with it (I can only imagine that he's seducing Howard in the back but I'm not obsess over it, it's just something that I think about to give me happy thoughts, because Donange and Barlowen is my anti-drug). Yes, my ipod. It loves me. I love it. ♥

(so if anyone on my flist is music happy, they can send me music at jyuufish at yahoo dot com. Yeah skyships; I'm looking at you.)

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things everyone. Going to go and make myself some coffee and check my flist now. Have a good day people~

And once again, thanks for not baleeeeeeeeeeting me.

Also, anyone who has a cellphone on the verizon network and wants to text me, message me in LJ and I'll disclose my phone number (since I got a shiny new phone, I'd take a picture of it.. except it is my camera.)