I did a long piece over at winged_shards
. Something, a dedication of sorts to kurohyou
. Locked because I want it to be private between people who knew exactly what Kuro meant to me and I don't want such a piece to be construed as trying to garner 'attention' or 'sympathy' for myself.. so better to lock it so that the people who read it will know that it is not my intent to do any such thing but rather to mourn Kuro in my own way. Because the pain that I feel at the knowledge gained is deep.. but certainly not as deep as the pain that a mother faces from the loss of her child. But I needed to get it out, to type out my little eulogy to Kuro... because my mind was running a million miles a minute. And through the tears I typed.
I know her mother does blame me, and from someone who loved Kuro so much as I know she did, I do not fault her the ability to blame me. If blaming me will help her to heal, then so be it. We all need our chances to heal and to recover, to lick our wounds.
Life goes on, but it does not go fast enough that we cannot pause and think of those who've gone before us.
Now I suitably have a headache, so I might chill in the bathtub and read or something to get my mind off of what happened.