January 25th, 2003

Zoicite☆For all I carry are murdered

A letter from *THE* Lord of the Rings..

forwarded by Teena, who got it from Jem, who got it from who-knows-where. (And then Nia found it on DELCJ's livejournal.. such good reading.. but I didn't make it up.. though it is a work of pure genius)


Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2003 21:27:29 -0800 (PST)

Good evening, mortals, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Sauron,
the Lord of the Rings.

Caught the title, did you? I should expect so. Most of you idiots
might remember the title to the movie with Frodo, Legolas,
and/or Aragorn in it. Which is why we're going to have a little
conversation.

*I* am the Lord of the Rings. Not some midget with hairy feet and
blue eyes the size of saucer plates. Not some pretty boy with
pointy ears and a blond wig. Not some loser
king-turned-ranger-turned-king badly in need of a haircut and a
shave. Me. Sauron. The Deceiver. The real honest-to-Tolkien
Lord of the Rings.

I don't mean to complain. I'm glad you came to see my movie.
But you seem to have lost focus. The bloody movie is named
after ME!! It's not "Midget Carrying A Ring," or "Cute Elf Boy," or
"Sexy Ranger." It's "Lord of the Rings." If it was about one of the
above, I'm sure they would have renamed it to "The Ringbearer,"
or some other flowery title.

I am *sick* and *tired* of you little fangirls (and a few of the
fanboys) going on about how cute Frodo was. Or how hot
Legolas was. Or how sexy Aragorn was. Are they the real stars of
the movie? No. I am. Without *me*, there would be no movie!!

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