April 30th, 2002

Zoicite☆For all I carry are murdered

(no subject)

Oooh, questions of gender. That is a really interesting subject with me and I was intrigued and intent on the entry of Adria. It is hard to really define what I believe. I mean when I was younger I had wanted to be born a boy because to me, being a boy was easier. It wasn't because I was attracted to females, but it was because guys didn't have children, guys didn't have all the pains that females have. I felt -limited- in this body.

However I grew to accept my female side albeit grudgingly.

Until I was raped.

And then I hated it even more,

I thought I could of prevented it if I had been a boy, however at such an age, it was something that -noone- could of prevented. But nevertheless I wanted to by a boy with such fervor. I viewed Men in such a animostic light because of my expirence, that I would always see what I defined as the inner troll. Females however, I was completely trusting around them.. I developed crushes on them but I didn't admit it to myself that I could be a lesbian.. or even bi.

It wasn't until Utena that I underwent the actual actualization.

Had I been born a guy, I would of definitely been gay.. He would of been tall, thin, long hair.. irish looking. He wouldn't of been muscular.. and he would be neither seme nor uke but rather perfectly balanced. And he would of been a flirt, a man whore, just because I like the idea of alternative relationships. Though he would have alot of female friends.

Alexi knows even now that I have the biggest case of cock envy.

And it is the truth! *heh's*
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