I know I have pretty much ruined every thing that was portrayed by you in the video game, Xenogears.. Every little conception. First of all I am sorry for your entire family dying when you were 10 in Solaris. No, that wasn't my fault but I thought that I would start with something that wasn't my fault so that I could show you how much angst potential you have -anyways. I am sorry for getting you drunk that night that you asked that girl to the ball for the Elements, if you hadn't been drunk, well Sigurd could of told you that he was in love with you but you would of probably reacted alot more practically toward that information and we could not have it. I am sorry for the insuing date with said girl, I know it was not pleasant when she referred to you as her boyfriend and asked if you could hook one of her friends up with Sigurd. I am not sorry for the smut with Sigurd.. that is to be expected.
I am sorry for the cheesy sex in Fenrir scene and how we likened it to Titanic, I can imagine that it was kind of demeaning for you being that that movie was so 1998. However the steamed windows and the hand going down it was just great, it inspired many AIM Away messages both by Michelle and I. Feel special, you created a inside joke that will last far after your muse decides to wall yourself up in my head to excape further persecution.
I apologize for Sigurd leaving you to go down to the surface, not for just a few years.. but 13 years. Once again not directly -my- fault but well I had to ring the angst out of it didn't I?
I cannot apologize Yui and her kicking your ass in Shevat, after all you asked for it yourself, didn't you? I had nothing to do with that. If I had my way you would of waited and pined for Sigurd for 13 odd years. Oh yes I am also sorry you getting Yui drunk and then pregnant. It was one of the smarmiest things that I could of had you done and even Michelle agrees and it even lowered her appreciation of you down a notch. However it you -did- deserve some sort of companionship, and Midori was the best daughter you could of ever had and she understood you the way no one else could
I apologize for having to spend alot of your time on earth guarding Fei who is by all rights and definitions an idiot. I know you wanted to be tolerant of him but no I had to allow you to speak the slyest little potshots at his intelligence factor, yes that was me speaking through you. OC.. perhaps a -bit- but you have to admit it -was- funny.
And just when you thought it was safe, I brought Sigurd in your life, the true purpose of the arc, to define your relationship to Sigurd. I am sorry that you were -married- when you reunited with him. Not my fault, that was your doing however it was my doing to have you jump Sigurd's bones immediately. You know you cannot resist him so don't even try to deny it. I see you sitting there in your corner pouting, nice try. I am sorry but not -that- sorry. I am also sorry that I timed your reuniting smut scene with Sigurd to coincide with the attack on the Pirate's Lair so that you were interrupted so you had to go fight in Heimdal. What, do you think I'd make it easy on you? *snickers* It was worth it though, wasn't it.
I am sorry for the inner turmoil you expirienced and the freak outs that you would get when no one was watching, at least I kept you IC for that, because you didn't reveal that you were freaking out to anyone else. I gave you too many ethics, surprising for one who is a notorious double agent. I know that it must of hurt you to betray Yui like that, and I am sorry for that, however that pointed to all the impending angst that happened on Shevat, now did it not?
Speaking of which, I apologize for allowing Mathias to take over your body. Mathias being your 500 year old incarnation from Nisan who was coincidentally the lover of Roni Fatima. I know you both do not get along and that is simply because you two are so much alike that you do not get along at all. I have a seperate apology letter that I have to write for Mathias though so you don't have to worry your pretty little head about that. I will no doubt have to apology to Mathias about you, I do not look forward to that one bit. Reincarnation, it gave us something to work with. After all we re-defined the whole Nisan religion through that, you took part in that. Once again feel lucky, you took part in something bigger then yourself. But it must not of been comfortable to have to share your body with Mathias occasionally. Be a little bit more charitable, after all you had Sigurd considerably longer then Mathias had Roni. It is good to share.
Perhaps I should apologize for the smut now. Yes that seems like an appropriate vein to take. Of course I shouldn't be apologizing for said smut because it was lovely, even if you said that it happened a little bit too often. I also apologize for making you adore Sigurd's cock, well that only stemmed because of the rationale that Sigurd would toss everyone off the bridge in the afternoons so he could get one of your famous blow jobs. Really skilled with your lips, aren't you? *wink wink* Now we know that Doctor Uzuki does Bridge Calls. Really Citan you need to apologize to -me- for being such a prude and a spoilsport I think.
I am sorry for the 'talk' that you and Yui had in which course you admitted that you were in love with Sigurd. Now we all know who the real 'husband' in that house was and it wasn't you. And hey you had kinky sex -because- of that scene, not with Yui granted. (I don't think you had sex with Yui regularly, perhaps on a weekly basis..)
I am sorry for crashing Shevat to get rid of said obstacle. It did work right? You were suddenly a widower. Of course you felt guilty about it and went all into mourning about it, didn't you. How noble you are Citan, of course angsty wise it made you distant from Sigurd, did it not? That also meant that I had to take you out of Sigurd's presence for the next three years. I am sorry for that as well, but I could not let your conscious allow you to start sleeping with Sigurd right away after such a disaster. In the end it made you a better person. Now when you didn't want to go back to Sigurd, now -that- got annoying.
I apologize for making your daughter such an instigator because it was her planning that got you back to Bledavik and into Sigurd's arms. Of course this is where I apologize for your volcanic jealousy. I know you could not look at Kahr and not think of the other man wanting Sigurd. Sigurd after all is damn sexy however it was irrational, after all Kahr was hung up over Krelian and Krelian's incarnation, Ian. However I think that in the end you -did- get to marry Sigurd, which was the furthest -any- of your incarnations had ever gotten.
Which brings me to the clincher. I am sorry for your death. Yes Citan, I am sorry for making you die in Fenrir, the same one that you had kinky Titanicesque sex in. It was necessary though, I knew that you would not be able to get to the Ends of the World in that lifetime, too much shit had gone and well the Xenogears gods, they are never nice, are they.. perfect example would be Fei.. though I suppose he went to the Ends of the World with Elly. Sitting up there and laughing at you. But anyways.. if that was not enough, I am sorry for "Lhasa" by La'Cryma Christi and how I overplayed it during said death scene. It really was very touching even if you were not around to -play- after that. I also apologize for the other two songs. "To Where you Are" by Josh Groban and "I'll Be There" by the Escape Club. Your death was too good to not milk of all it's potential angst. It was a necessary evil.
And in a nutshell Citan, I am sorry for all those bad things that happened to you. I know you hate me and I do not blame you, but I love you.. and if I didn't love you I would of let you had a normal life and married Yui. How boring is that?