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Zoicite☆For all I carry are murdered


"Cause I'll be lighting fires for you.."

~I'm there in the Light when you need me~

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: Gonna say hello to my soul; sitting on a mountain saying goodbye to the sun :
Hanyuu/Rika♥You know no one dies
:crawls out of the massive hole that I was sort of mysteriously sucked into in the past month:

Well first of all, I'd like to thank you all for not deleting me through my massive personal well being hiatus. I've had a few messages here and there going "Jyuu.. where are youuuuuuuu!" and I'm sorry, I've just needed to take a break from.. well everything. I've been sort of struggling with massive issues of depression. Believe me, this is new for me, the last time I was depressed, it was for the first week in january of 2005 right after kurohyou *crosses self* broke up with me. (and just so everyone knows, myself and shuufish haven't broke up, but we've been dealing with each other and some major issues. But like any strong relationship, I think that we'll survive.

In the past the lowest I ever really go is 'apathy' where I feel absolutely nothing, and that lasts like two or three days, maybe a week at the most, and that usually happens yearly. I think this depression stems from the fact that I just don't feel in control of myself. (I have major control issues in real life, everything has to magically go according to my 'plan' whatever the hell that is at the time, it's really hard for me to relax in that sense).

There are some positive things that have happened.

Lala is still doing well, she's still eating regularly and while she consumes an almost scary ammount of water, she still loves on me and purrs when I'm in bed. So she still loves me despite the fact that she's confined to my room now (because of her kidney or bladder issues, she really does just pee everywhere). She's the next in line to get looked at, I'll end up taking her to the vet to get the official diagnosis of whatever it is she's expiriencing. Hopefully my self diagnosis is wrong, but I'm not going to put too much hope in it.

My windshield is finally fixed, so I don't have a glaring crack in it anymore (my air conditioning however went out again, so I don't know. Did I mention that my car is utter crap?) I'm focusing on the windshield, it's not a problem with the air conditioning, it won't be an issue until it gets to be cold again, so that can wait, at the very least my car won't leak anymore.

I have a new ipod, named "Jason Orange Juice" after the facebook group I created. Any Jason Orange fans who I have on my flist who in fact have facebook should join. We're a great group of people. There are a few people who are like 'eh' (I don't seriously want to hear any whinging 'I get jealous when Jason's on stage with a female because I know he's banging her in the back afterwards' People, your jealousy is useless. You can't control who he boffs so just deal with it (I can only imagine that he's seducing Howard in the back but I'm not obsess over it, it's just something that I think about to give me happy thoughts, because Donange and Barlowen is my anti-drug). Yes, my ipod. It loves me. I love it. ♥

(so if anyone on my flist is music happy, they can send me music at jyuufish at yahoo dot com. Yeah skyships; I'm looking at you.)

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things everyone. Going to go and make myself some coffee and check my flist now. Have a good day people~

And once again, thanks for not baleeeeeeeeeeting me.

Also, anyone who has a cellphone on the verizon network and wants to text me, message me in LJ and I'll disclose my phone number (since I got a shiny new phone, I'd take a picture of it.. except it is my camera.)

(Deleted comment)
Yeah, it's epic! ahaha! It was because I was pouring orange juice and Midori was around and i was like. "I'm having some Jason Orange JUICE" and it just sort of caught. It's the sanest Take That group on the whole of the internet.. in the insane way.

Hey! It's good to see you posting to LJ again!♥

Yeah, maybe I'll try to post a little bit more. I'm trying to be better. Maybe I just need to see more sun, I don't know.

Glad to see that you're back! :3 <3

I want to be back.. seriously so I'm going to give it my best. Need something to occupy my time though.

Hi, great to see you back! :D And good to hear it was not all bad in your life while you were away.

Lol, Jason Orange Juice XDDDD

I'm always happy to share some of my stuff :) What kind of music are you looking for?

Oh I will love and listen to anything. I like electronic music.. I like industrial.

Which reminds you, I probably owe you some Neuropa, I forgot about that.

How long has it been now? I've lost track.

For me it's just been tales of Wally World and the Tales of meme. And I made a new Tales AMV.

Yeah, I've been also dealing with the massive ammounts of responsibiility that I've been launched into as well as vicious jealousy. I am pretty much backroom lead for 3rd shift which has made the other backroom person angry because he's been in the backroom for like three years now. To sort of pay me back, he's been calling in every other day and such.

Work is stressful but I just remember that I go home and I get to forget about the place for 16 hours.

Yay Tales!


Yes I am, hopefully back for good!

And Madoka Magica, I started watching it. (and by that I mean I watched the first episode) I started watching it beause I heard it was uber fucked up. That the truth?

I'm glad you are ok. I've been wondering where you disappeared off to *squishes*

*showers you in pretty Take That-y goodness* :)


I've been stuck but I'm a little bit better now. Upp today because I figure a bit of sunlight will do me good.

That icon seriously makes me giggle a little bit!

Glad you're still alive *hugs*


If you need someone to talk to, you can text me~! Send me your number :'D

I'm glad to see that you're back. I missed you~♥

I'm happy your kitty is still doing well. I wouldn't want her to be hurt or meet the same fate my little Rose did ;.; I never want to hear about kitties being unwell. Fight Lala, Fight!

I finally got an Xbox 360 (and playing Vesperia) so do you have a gamertag? Mine's kittyintherain

Glad to have you back!

*hugs* I am glad to hear from you again. ♥ I am sorry that you haven't been feeling good though! That stinks. :(

~I am glad Lala is doing well! ♥

Aww! I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling down recently. D: I hope you start to feel more your usual self soon. //hugs you//

Also, I know exactly what you mean when you say that you feel most comfortable when things go according to 'plan'. That's part of the reason why I don't really like surprises much - they make me nervous because they're something I can't anticipate or make contingencies for, ya know? >.>

So I guess we can just be fellow control freaks, ne? ;3

BTW, once again, thanks for friending me! I'm trying to be less of a lurker and more of a participater on LJ so it was really great to have you respond to my yaoi_add_mepost! <3

Oh god me too, usually I'm very happy go lucky but I've gotten sort of kneesocked or something along those lines. Didn't take joy in very much of anything. Oh yes, control freak here, much. I'm not too keen on surprises either, I used to hunt down my christmas presents when I was a kid, so that I knew exactly what I was getting. Heh.

Oh you were very interesting and I like interesting people, not to mention there are alot of old school fandoms in there that I remember dearly.. like Ai no Kusabi. Oh goodness.. and Haru wo Daite (Youko Nitta makes me happy). So honestly really glad to meet you! Glad we can be friends.

Say, have you ever read anything by Fumi Yoshinaga? If you haven't, you should!