I have really forgotten most of my memories but my earliest memory was sort of jumpstarted by trauma in my mind. When I was three years old, I was in a very serious car wreck involving my grandmother and my great grandmother. The car wreck killed my great grandmother but managed to leave my grandmother alive but with complications, and I was in the back in a car seat, and I had gotten launched out of the back window which in essence saved my life. I do not remember anything UP TO THE POINT OF THE WRECK. There are no memories that exist, but I remember being in the police car and this nice policeman was letting me listen to the radio, and then they took me into the ambulance to see my grandmother and I remember her face was all bloody, and when they tried to take me out of the ambulance, I screamed and cried. It's particularly painful for the first thing that I really recall from my life, and I don't think there is any way for me to actually -forget- that moment.
When something vivid, I guess it doesn't really have to be all sunshine and rainbows which my childhood definitely wasn't. I had good moments during my childhood, but there was this overriding fear of loss. And because my first overriding memory was of death, I couldn't really breathe easy until my grandmother died. That's a sad thing to say I know, but I kept expecting her to die because at a young age, with my first memory, I was faced with the very concept of mortality.