I do not fall into any subgenre of lesbian because I do not believe in that. I wear girly make-up, I smell nice, but I'm definitely not femme, I have short hair and don't really do dresses but I do not consider myself butch, I am right in the middle. Though I'm not androgynous either. I am proud of my femininity and just being a girl, because a girl is not a guy and I never ever want to be a guy (I used to around five years ago.. but I grew out of that stage, life changes and well, so do we).
I first knew I was a lesbian probably when I was around 11 or 12, because I developed a crush on my best friend at the time, AND succeeding best friends. I just loved them, was possessive of them, jealous of their boyfriends. That knowledge didn't make sense until perhaps I had gone to college and I had aquired a girlfriend and admitted to myself that yes I did love women. I loved them more then men.
That also came with my distance from the 'christian god' because how could I believe in a god who didn't want me to be happy, who didn't accept me for who I was? who couldn't support a union between myself and another woman. That was a part of why I initially got into the wiccan religion (even though I indentify as pagan now). It's not really a choice for me, being a lesbian. I just am, you cannot control your body's responses and I certainly can't. You cannot choose what turns you on, and when I was 12 I had no clue of what a lesbian was, and yet I still felt the first stirrings of that.
I look back on alot of my jr.high/high school behaviors and I just know that I had been a lesbian even back then. Growing up in a predominately christian household, I didn't want to believe that I had been that, and I fought against it, got boyfriends and everything.. but there came a time when I couldn't deny who I was.
And that is how I came to be the person I am now.
