Jyuu (jyuufish) wrote,

~Seishirou Sakurazukamori: Walk this Earth Alone~

Title: Walk This Earth Alone
Fandom: X/1999
Pairing: Seishirou
Notes: You'd be surprised how hard it is to find a really good Seishirou song. It's very elusive. And while this is ALSO one of my Ashura-ou/Taishakuten songs, this one also fits Subaru and Seishirou. Clamp can sure come up with good old-fashioned fucked up romance. If you think about the span of time that Seishirou took in merely avoiding Subaru, and I'm sure it is because he knew exactly what was going to happen, Seishirou doesn't seem to be the type that is surprised easily. I also loved the scene with his mother, and how it is explained how a Sakurazukamori feels love.. kinda fucked up, but what do you expect from an assasin clan?

"You're in the crashing of the windows,
The angels on the ceiling.
You're the fire in my belly..
The fucked up way I'm feeling"

"You love me.. but you do not love me the best. One day you will let the one you love kill you as I have done you.. you will give your heart inexplicably to this person and when they kill you, they will know your love for him."

Those words where what his mother had spoken to him just as she had fallen against his killing hand, watching her fall to the ground underneath the sakura tree like a withering rose, ever beautiful with her black hair and pale skin.. and the blood that seemed to seep against the petals of the Sakura tree, where a thousand corpses had seen their bitter end at the hands of his mother and countless others before her. He had not mourned his mother, a Sakurazukamori never mourned anyone for their idealogy prevented them from doing so. At a very young age, Seishirou had been de-sensitized toward the violence and to have blood on his hands were commonplace. He had killed at such a young age, innocent people where his favorite for the blood of innocents were like bouquets of cherry blossoms, carrying that same subtle fragrance.

So integral was his 'no regrets'. None, no matter what he did.. for regret was alien to his blood. Everything had a purpose, as did the Sakurazukamori, so as did the Sumeragi clan. Each played out their roles as best they were able. A Sumeragi was no more inclined to a violence then a Sakurazukamori was inclined to pacifism. The roles had to be maintained or else the balance broke and chaos tore everything asunder, riping it to shreds. They were checks and minus', one championing a human's right to live, the other decrying that right.

There had never been anymore more innocent then him.

Standing underneath the cherry blossoms in the sacremental robes, eyes alive with innocence.. such Seishirou had not been able to resist. He had known who Subaru was and yet that didn't stop him from doing exactly what it was in his nature to do.. to defile. Cupping that tender face in his hands and looking down at him before making that promise and marking the young boy as his prey. Seishirou had always liked games, they all did. After all there was no fun in death if there were no challenge.

So he sent Subaru off, with the promise that he would find him.. a child's memories was fragile and he did not think Subaru would totally remember which was all well and good with him. It would make it all the more interesting, the promise would fade, but his mark would not fade and it would be exactly what 'they' would warn him of. But Seishirou would return, he knew this.. he would remember the boy and he would come back and a far cry from the hazy memory that would give his face to substance.

If Subaru could make him feel love, then perhaps he would spare him. But a Sakurazukamori did not know of love.. certainly lust, there was ancient knowledge there, but love.. the type that could cause someone to spare another's life. He knew nothing of it. And yet he endeavored to try, he tried to make Subaru fall in love with him, to see if those feelings could make him more human in anything other then pure name.

That year was certainly long, a terribly long time with not even a spot cast against him to blemish his name. For a single year he was Seishirou Sakurazukimori, a member of the Sakurazukamori and yet removed from them and going to act as a simple veternarian in order to befriend Subaru and Hokuto so easily. A year of cooking for them, of serenading a blushing Subaru underneath eaves, of proclaiming his undying love, the marriage proposals and all with Hokuto's encouragement. It had been easy. And yet his heart was not so easily melted. Three-hundred and sixty-five days of chipping away at his heart-armor to see exactly what existed there.

And he found absolutely nothing. It was not Subaru though Subaru was the catalyst, it was something that he had wanted to find out for himself. Incapable of his emotions, he still wasn't sure and yet the year was over and he was only as good as his word. Still having proven absolutely nothing, and yet not inclined to draw this out.. he instead went ahead with his plan and once again lured Subaru underneath the cherry blossoms to enact their wedding night underneath the branches of the tree where Subaru's virgin blood would be shed.

And instead he was faced with love in it's purest form, and another promise was extracted from him... a promise that if he ever tried to launch an attack like that against another person, it would come back against him and kill him, just as he had killed her. He knew it was a way to safeguard her brother, and yet for a brief moment he faltered, because he knew what it meant... it meant that the next time if he tried to kill Subaru.. Subaru would be the one to kill him. That knowledge rang through his mind and so he fled, because somehow along the way, his heart had been revealed, exposed by Hokuto's magic.

So he tried to keep a step ahead of Subaru. He knew that Subaru searched, could feel the energy of the Sumeragi as it seemed to keep one step behind him. It was a courtship in a way, obsession and fascination. He would leave his deeds for Subaru to dwell upon, and yet every act of mercy that Subaru enacted, he felt or saw keenly. He knew that of the two of them were allowed to meet or compromise, then the balance would be broken which was a dangerous thing to the both of them and so he stayed away.. only letting Subaru know of his presence which was infinite in Tokyo.

The balance had to be maintained that is until he chose to upset them.

Even though each time he saw Subaru, even if it was the passing in the night on a rain soaked street, just a flicker as Subaru glanced around to see that he had gone, de-materialized into the rain, he knew where his fate rested. He had hit upon the only thing or person that could undo him, the one worthy to kill him. Yet he knew that he had to keep that a secret, had to elude Subaru until the very moment when it was right.

No truer words had been spoken by his mother, indeed.

But he also realized that a Sakurazukamori could feel love. But it was in the form of death, of dying at the hands of the one you love, of giving up that great rite to them and staining their hands with your crimson, the blood of the beloved one. There was no greater trust or supplication and in that Seishirou knew that he would one day prove his love to Subaru, and it would be absolute.

"But I walk this earth alone..
And all I've ever known.
Is that you are right beside me
If I love you for a day..
And throw my life away.
Could I leave you behind me?"

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