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Zoicite☆For all I carry are murdered


"Cause I'll be lighting fires for you.."

~I'm there in the Light when you need me~

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~Welcome to the world, Midori Oriah Smith~
Zoicite☆For all I carry are murdered
*Note: I will lapse between Jennie and Mish alot.. to clarify, they are the same person

Well this may be a long update, who knows.. but I can certainly assure all of you out there that I am tired with a capital "T". I think I'll let that lead me into the events of everything that happened starting monday morning. The past few days have just sort of run together like something sticky and there is nothing I want to do rather then fall asleep.

Monday morning rhasodyofbliss started having regular contractions, the sort of spacings that we were told that if they happened like that, then we should just start up there toward Northern Michigan hospital. Mish had an appointment there anyways so I just went along with her, driving all the way to Petosky and trying to make the drive there as comfortable as possible despite the random ditches. We get there and get examined by one of her midwives, Debbie, and then the midwife tells us not to go back to the Sault. So instead we book into a hospitality room and sort of cool our heels there. I try to make her as comfortable as possible, I distract her with Guragieve and Anubial (Simoun) waff via the notepad and then Todd arrives and we start getting her into all the various positions that are supposed to ease contractions.

This lasts until around 5:30 and then we finally think that Mish is sort of woozy enough that she -has- to be admitted into her birthing suite, and so we go take care of that, and that is not the start of the definite adventure but it is the start of when I just start to become exhausted.

There is something very very wearing about watching the woman you are in love with suffer excruciating contractions, this was thought yesterday evening when she just got too delerious and exhausted to think. I was perhaps relieved to get out and do something which involved picking her mom up from a flight that was in short words hellish as well. (My heart really went out to Mish's mom.)

Before I went it was decided that Mish would need a shot of morphine to relax and really I agreed, but the shot wouldn't be given until her mom came. (since Mish wanted to be lucid for that). So at 11:47 I pick up her mom and bring her back from the airport, feeling perhaps totally worn. We arrived back at the hospital at 12:30 (with me driving slow so I didn't crash from the tiredness) and then Mish got to see her mom and I felt very accomplished and happy. (since pretty much a good deal of yesterday was spent thinking that perhaps I was just a shade of useless)

The morphine shot didn't come until 1:45 am. After we gave Mish her goodbye hugs, her mom and I headed back to the hospitality house to scrap up any bit of sleep we could. (though seriously, I knew sleep wouldn't come easily to me, and true enough I was tossing and turning). Only to wake up at 7 am to repeat the process so that we could go see how Mish was doing.

She was so totally drugged which I am sure made her contractions alot less painful. It would probably energizer her for what was going to be the hardest part of it I suppose.

Now flashing back, because my stream of consciousness goes everywhich way right now and I have to go back to make certain points. They gave her the morphine because she needed to relax in order so that her cervix could dilate past 1 cm. Luckily when she woke up she was at 3.. but she hovered at 3 for 5 hours and her body was getting tired so they had to break her water, which would sort of get the ball going. Then that was when the contractions started coming up... in greater force enough for her to dialate to five. That was around 1:30 I would suppose. However every time they checked her cervix for dialation, I just had to wince.. because I could tell that they were really hurting her. That is another emotion I felt, I heard her cry out and it just made me anguish. I can understand how Todd could be strong, but it was almost impossible for me to, every time she cried out, I wanted to rush to her side, grab her hand, hold it, kiss it, tell her to breath and tell her that I loved her.

I couldn't stop those little forms of affection that sort of don't come from me. It's rare for me to kiss anyone on the cheek or hold their hands, but I found myself doing that for Mish, trying to get her to be strong, and hoping that a bit of my love could sort of add on to Todd's and just make her stronger. By nature I am not a public display of affection, emotionally I guess you would call me stunted like that. But I couldn't withhold any little encouragement that I could get to Mish... and I didn't want to.

But there was a moment when even I cracked. I had to flee the room so that I could call up pimp_kitten and just cry my heart out to him. He's good for those random little splurts of emotion. He's known me longer then Mish has and knows every why and wherefor of me. So I probably went into more depth about what I was feeling to him.

When I returned to the room, it was to find out that Mish was getting an epidurial despite what she had anticipated wanting. I couldn't blame her, because she was in so much pain and I didn't want her to go through that so I was glad, I was able to hold her hand until the anthestist came in to give her the epideural and she was able to be hooked up to some monitors that would determine the vital signs of the baby in her uterus.

Her mom and I were shoo'd out of the room to wait in the waiting room, being that the room would get cramped.

And then comes the scary part, the part that scared me to the deep part of my soul.. Mish had complications. To soothe you all, She is alright now. But evidentally when Todd was in there with her and they were administering it, the baby's heartrate started to drop due to the stress, and so she was prepared immediately for a C-section. I didn't know about this, neither did her mother... but Todd came in dressed in scrubs and told us there were complications and she had to have surgery. Both her mother and I just started to cry and hold each other's hands, because it wasn't any more clear then that.

I seriously just started imagining every thing that could go wrong would. My mother died from birthing complications and so anything with childbirth sort of hits VERY close to home with me, I started freaking out, I was just so very scared, because I imagined losing Jennie in a single second, and that thought.. I don't think there could of been a more painful thought to me then that. It far eclipsed any pain I could think of.. even the anguish of being helpless, of hearing her cry out in pain.

Though 20 minutes later, Todd came back in and told us that the baby and Mish were alright. That at 4:06 PM, Midori Oriah Smith had been brought into the world and that she was currently in NICU (Newborn Intensive Care Unit) and Mish was in post-op recovering due to a dangerous dip of her blood pressure during the surgery. Then we saw Midori being wheeled out, crying in protest, really the cutest and pinkest baby ever. And then an hour later, we were admitted into the room to see Mish.

With all of those people in there, Todd and Mish's mom. I tried not to cry. But it was hard, I refused to cry until they all left because I do not like being vulnerable, and yet when I was able to hold Mish's hand, let her stroke my cheek, I felt better and it kicked in the fact that I wasn't losing her tonight. We talked about her expirience, we talked about how worried I had been, we managed to do some muse talk but most importantly, I got to sit there along with Mish and just stroke her hand, her leg.. letting my affection ripple over her. Unaccountably joyful, even though I still couldn't stop crying, but this time I think that it was tears of joy.

And when Todd came back, I couldn't help but give him a very big hug too... we hugged each other and I could hear him tremble, I knew he had thought the very same thing that I did. It a way we became kindred souls, both two stars that wanted to guard and protect Jennie no matter what. I was so glad that he was there to be with her, that he was also able to keep strong.

Once Todd and his mom came back from dinner, I took the keys up so that I could drive the two hour drive back to the Sault in order to pick up Mish's mom's bags over at the airport that she was -supposed- to have arrived to, and then head back to the house to feed Twister, Dixie and Prim. I was exhausted but I was careful driving back.

I am tired and I am going to go to bed now. But that is my account of the past two days. I will wake up, shower, get myself something to eat (too tired to eat now) and then I will head back to the hospital to stay with Jennie. It has been a harrowing couple of days, but you know.. I'm left with a sense of satisfaction.

Good night everyone!

This is the first I've heard of anything like this, but I'm glad everything is okay and congratulations and all that! Yay! ♥

I have a friend named Midori zomg.

Yeah I know, I am definitely excited.. it's been an exciting week.. some of it scary but infinitely nice.

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Yes I know.. it's definitely worth it.. and I'm glad I toughed it out. I look forward to the next one. (though for the next one I'll probably be one of the people making sure that Midori doesn't torment hospital staff. *heh's*

wow, well congratulations to the three of you. ^^ (you, mish, and todd) *hugs* I'm glad everyone's ok, and you got to be there for her even if it was tiring and stressfull and scary...still wonderful ^^

I don't think that I realized quite how much my heart would ache if Mish wasn't there. But I did.. it was perhaps the darkest minutes of my life.. but when I found out she was going to be okay, that made me intensely happy

♥♥♥♥ Congrats. :D I'm glad everything ended well, despite the scares.

I'm definitely glad that both the little one and Mish are alright. It makes the both of them all the more precious to me.

i am SO GLAD to hear she's okay. that must have been so scary for you. *hugs* i'm glad you got to be there for her, that means a lot to hear.

you all take care. i'm so glad both baby and mom are okay.

Yes they are wonderful now! Of course they still have to let Midori fully out of NICU and I know that Mish is looking forward to it... because I know she'd rest a whole lot easier of Midori was by her side.

Birth stuff is scary shit, man. That's all I will say on that.

On a lighter note, Congratulations go out to you all. *Hugs tightly*

*hugs* Thank you Teri! That means alot!

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The next couple of months are going to be sniffly for me..

There isn't anything worse than hearing someone you love go through childbirth, and knowing that when they scream in pain, there's nothing you can do. But once that little baby's in the world and they're doing alright, you see how worthwhile every single painful part of the childbirth is. The first time I held Gabriel in the NICU, everything shifted right into focus for me.

I'm so glad everything worked out well in the end. ♥

Yeah I could see that.. it's hard but all that hard work seems worth it.

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Thank you.. really I ran the gamut of emotions yesterday.. I felt like I had run a marathon in fact and I absolutely passed out once I got to bed.

I'm so glad Mish and Midori are alright! Congratulations!

You are so incredibly strong, all of you. *hugs*

Wow, I'm so glad everybody came out alright. Childbirth can be a scary experience, I'm lucky I never had any complications myself, or at least not any that bad. I'm pretty sure that the baby's heart rate dropped a little with all three of my kids when I had epidurals, but it was never bad enough that they threatened to give me a c-section over it.

It always does take forever to get dilated past the first few centimeters, but breaking the water helps, that and the epidural. Nothing else really dulls the pain as well. Even with the demerol they give you down here I was screaming. I never really thought about what the experience might be like for the people watching though....

Yes, well the expirience is certainly different, I think that for the mother it is alot of physical pain and anxiety, but it is mirrored back on those who watch.. who pace back and forth wondering if everything is going to be okay.

Congratulations! I am so glad everyone is safe and okay. Thank you for sharing this with us. It's quite an amazing read.

Me too, me too.. it is nice that we all survived the ordeal.

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Oh yes I did and it certainly helps me to be able to deal with things a bit better.. it's sad that I'm going to be heading back soon.

Haha, another little Aries baby brought into the world? -grin- Mish will have a handful~ :)

Glad things went well and the little one is safe.

Oh but we already have her chart. She is tempered just like how you were tempered with your scorpio ascendant. Little Midori has a PISCES ascendant, which is definitely going to make her a dreamy little baby. And she has a Libra moon which will give her the ability to charm the pants off anyone.


Give Onee-sama a kiss and a hug from me, okay?

I'm an auntie now! 'Cause really, this is the closest I'll ever get to actually being an aunt. My brothers are never gonna have kids...

You should be so proud of your oneesama, she did wonderfully!