Well having fun at Zappos when all is said and done and honestly, I think that's positive. I wasn't quite sure about the transition and despite the fact that I am pretty extroverted when it comes down to it, I didn't have any problems latching onto my own little group and the enviroment is ten times more positive (sans of course one of the leads who is a bit too.. high and mighty for himself.. management: you can't like them all) But the food is decent and well everything is as it should be. I get signed up for benefits come June 2nd, also an exciting prospect. There will be a bigger update this weekend when I'm chillaxing.

On an added note: RuPaul's Drag Race. When will they get RID of Phi Phi.. I'm sick and tired of her.

Woohoo.. submitted for ff_creation. <3 When it comes down to it I have to be inspired, and yeah.. I was.

I'll be damned if someone can tell me what I can and can't post on this journal quite honestly though for all that this blog is never checked, just this once it wouldn't surprise me if it was. I'm disabling comments because I just want to get my own thoughts and feelings out to the exclusion of anything else and I don't care what anyone else says. I don't need comiserations of sympathy or anything like that.. I just want to write about my thoughts and feelings and have absolutely no one harp on about it or somehow invalidate that which I feel because believe you me.. sometimes I do feel as if my feelings are off the bat invalidated.

But seriously, how am I supposed to feel when a conversation starts out with someone asking me if anything is wrong, and by the end of the conversation suddenly it's all my fault.. that I'm the one doing the attacking and that I'm being unreasonable. When the conversation suddenly leads to my failings, it makes me not want to talk at all and then I just want to close up and close off; after all, why did I bother in the first place? Maybe I should of just shut the fuck up.. trucked it up and smiled and pretended to be all happy or pretend that what had bothered me hadn't. In the end it was I who apologized and with not a single apology coming my way and believe me, I felt bitter about it.

But I can't mention it because then I will be the ingrate, I am the one who has the problem.. I am the one who is attacking. But it seems like it's always like this, with me who does the apologizing in the end.. me the one who caves first, who folds.. and I feel that if I am consistantly the first one that folds.. one day I am going to fold.. for good. Throw in my cards and turn to walk the other way. There was absolutely no inkling given that there was any understanding about where I was coming from and yeah I guess my emotions and such don't mean very much in the scope of things.

I just feel sick.. sick and depressed and I just want to cry. Can't sleep though, tried that and had a miniature hot pocket in bed beside me so my sleep (all three hours of it) was tenuous at best and I just had really wierd dreams. But whenever I feel like there's something unresolved, I just can't sleep.. I try and I try but it never seems to come.. even took some melatonin but that wasn't happening. Sure I feel tired now, but I know that if I laid down, I wouldn't be able to get to sleep at all.

Forgive me for saying 'I.. I.. I.." I know it's not all about me, but when a situation like this, it's so easy to focus on one's feelings. But despite everything I know that it wasn't resolved and I am pretty sure that the other person in question knows that it wasn't resolved either and so we're at an impasse which seems to happen alot as of late. The thing is that when two people of immeasurable stubbornness comes together, it never ends well. But really I wanted just an "I understand what you're feeling.." that would almost have been as good as an apology because at the very least it would of made me believe that my point had been seen.

Oh well, I'm going to try to do something to take my mind off of it.. 'try' being the operative word.

And it's not so much of a meme as your special chance to get a "FREE ICON!"

Icon Meme

Provide me with one of your favorite pictures. You know that picture that you've been wanting to have an icon made of it, and I'll do it. It's not only a chance for you to get an icon, it's a chance for me to experiment with and perhaps hone my icon-making skills a little bit more. IF YOU ARE AN ICON MAKER AND YOU SEE THIS (GODS WILLING AND YOU HAVE TIME) YOU MUST POST THIS ON YOUR JOURNAL SO PEOPLE CAN GET AWESOME FROM YOU TOO)

Also, I have three icons that are up for grabs and usage to anyone who wants them, the Tonberry one won Mod's Choice at ff_creation so while I didn't think it was anything much, somebody did.

You know, I feel like I've awakened from a deep sleep that I've been in for the past two years.. though it had started more after I took the backroom position in Walmart, where I just started to consistantly feel demoralized. But as I am awakening, I'm starting to take pleasure in more things, I'm starting to want to icon more and while my urge to watch anime hasn't picked up much.. I do want to play video games.

I've been tasked by skyships to make a LJ meme. I need to think about this seriously. (a meme.. dear goodness, I used to be so good at these things) But I do sort of want to stir the pot up a little bit, perhaps create a friending meme, or just something to shake it up a little bit.

I can already see that the game is going to throw Cheria/Asbel at me and make me like it, except it isn't. (Pascal and Hubert though, that's a different story. I'd already convinced myself that I was going to like that pairing based on the pictures.. but it is just because the Tales game seems to think that Blue and Pink go together, or something) My opinion on pairings is that I'll like what I damn well like and not care what other people think; so if my pairing preferences don't mesh up with whatever the general consensus think, well screw them. I'm too old to particularly care and it's not like I'm trying to rub my preferences in their faces.

I need to get back to FFXIII-2 so that I can ressume the Ballad of Caius and Yeul the Ever-Dying.

ALSO PEOPLE WHO HAVE WATCHED CURRENT EPISODE OF RU-PAUL'S DRAG RACE! DID NOT SHARON NEEDLES SIMPLY BRING IT! SHE BROUGHT IT SO HARD!

Okay, I am constantly amused by the fact that Asbel uses Burial Blade. But he doesn't say Burial Blade. 'WHAT DOES HE SAY?', you ask? Well the unofficial tech name according to Asbel is.. :drumroll: "YOUR MOM!"

Yeah, seriously.

I lol!

maerynsen Thank you so much for sending me the songs.. and in some sort of thanks, feel free to request an icon or a mixtape zip of songs I associate with a Tales character (I'll tell you if I'm not familar with that character). I don't mind doing this, such is my gratefulness which thrills me! <3 once again thank you so much, I'll be having this song on repeat for days on end!

I haven't even cleared the childhood arc yet. This is also not spoilers since most of it is like at the weeeeee beginning, so I'm not cut-texting it (and it has to do with the character's initial personalities and no way how they develop)

Asbel - Wow, what an interesting character. I'm used to Tales main characters being assholes, but well they finally started out with As with this one, but really he just suffers from what I percieve as the Aries Foot in Mouth Syndrome. He will say the first thing on his mind, no matter if you like it or not. Must make it difficult for his future girlfriend and/or boyfriend.

Hubert - D'awww.. this is shuufish's favorite character so far. I can't wait to see him become a tsundere badass.

Sophie - (They are not so much twintails.. as tentacles.. I keep expecting her to pick up both Asbel and Hubert, one in each tail and wave them around like Ultros from FF3) But I think she's a fun character. Not so much a girl as Asbel's inherited family pet. The thing is that at 11, Asbel wouldn't know -what- to do with a girl except for slap a collar on her and make her do party tricks (aka Backward flip flop GO!) which reminds me, is it really a good idea to let Asbel be in charge of an amnesiacs developing social well being? There you go.

Cheria - This is the character that I could forsee having problems with. Definitely I couldn't claim her as a muse for RPing.. but I think she has alot of potential. No, I do not think that she is a weak female (look at how she yells at Asbel, that's something special right there.. and I approve) but I think that at this moment, her little girl approach is a bit wearing. I hope this doesn't turn into a 'Cheria yipping over Asbel's attention twenty-four seven' type game. If it doesn't, then I will be happy. Tales games are usually so much more then that.

Still shuufish says that the whole title sequence where Asbel reaches for Richard's hand as the singer croons "Two hearts become one" is uber gay. I'm inclined to agree with her. (Yaoi goggles.. I was born with them sometimes)

I can't wait for Malik's purple mankini and Pascal. But this Tales game is a fun diversion. Must have Sophie icon though. Must make it myself. Maybe I'll find a good song to set it too... but I don't know, that song will have to be spot-fucking-on.

Wow, I haven't written my impressions out on anything for a long time. Hope you enjoyed it!

Also.. completely unreleated.

Rupaul's Drag Race - I AM SO GLAD THAT SHARON NEEDLES WAS NOT ELIMINATED. Sorry to see William go. (Damn it Phi Phi.. *shakes fist*) I started to love William just when he said that he was really going to whore it up with Latrice. LOL!

Now to use some of my special tags!

Also anyone who has the "Tales of Graces F" theme song. Please to be SENDING IT TO ME NOW!"

Originally posted by trex_in_boots at All U.S. Internet Providers will be policing downloads by July 12, 2012